Dating Apps: Scepticism - Navraj Singh Sahi

Dating Apps: Scepticism

We have been hearing about the dating websites for quite some time now, but today the dating website have evolved into a much more appealing prospect and that is a ‘Smartphone App’. Suddenly the websites and sitting at a computer to find your partner is passé, we now have the power of dating in our phone or should we say in our pocket. This culture of left and right swipes has it own pros and cons, but then which thing does not. We have new things and concept arriving everyday in our life, we accepted FB, Insta, Snap happily and same happened with the dating apps.

India as a country and as a culture was used to matrimonial websites and would have expected the transition of the same to apps, but lo and behold, India too got the taste of dating apps. But surprisingly, these apps were welcomed by the orthodox people of our country, or we should say that they were just welcomed by the recently turning global youth of India. Our parents are yet not aware of these apps, and they will not get to know about it if we play our cards right. We as a country have come a long way ahead, but we still judge a person who has a profile on Tinder, the only successful dating app till date in India. We are still miles away from becoming a developed market for such apps.

So, what are the pros and cons? How these apps change the overall fabric of our society?! Is there a need for such apps?! There are so many questions that come to are mind when we talk about such issues. It might not be possible to even scratch the underlying effects of these apps, but we can always analyse what is visible on the surface. And just in case, you think a dialogue is possible on this, please feel free to share your thoughts and reach out to me, let’s talk about it.

I have been on most of the dating apps available in India, and I loved the experience. So almost everything written below is my opinion, your might differ, and believe me, it should. So let’s start.

1. Why?!

The very first thing that comes to mind is; how did this thing come up?! No, not the apps, the original dating websites. The very first dating website was www.kiss.com in 2004, and ever since the concept has undergone major changes. The need of someone special in our life in our boring and over-burdened life led to this, or it might be the reduced time in our lives that going out on candle light dates to get to know the person is just too much of an effort. Reasons can be many, but if I have to give out a frank opinion, it’s all about getting like minded people on a platform that can then interact. Now, the thing we miss out here is that even on these apps one can see that people have a specific picture in their mind of the partner they want, and that actually depicts that its just facilitation. The ease of meeting new people without any obligation is freedom, you can always decide on never meeting the person after your first date. There are many reasons why such apps are talk of the town, one of which is SEX!! We will be talking about it further because sex is one of the main driving forces when it comes to dating apps.

2. Sex:

Humans need sex to further the species, and thankfully sex is a wonderful concept that not only fulfils our needs but also our pleasures and desires. Humans indulge in sex not only to reproduce but also to just have some fun. Sex as an activity is full of everything; it drives your passion, desire and energy. Humans go extra lengths when it comes to sourcing partner for sex, relationships are deepened, courtesy sex! Relationships break, courtesy sex!!

Dating apps have eased or paved the way for hook ups among boys and girls, or boys and boys or girls and girls, okay, too many combinations available these days so let’s move ahead. Dating apps somehow gives out this feel that anybody on that platform is up for a hook up, which is probably right as well, because for friends and family we have tons of alternate social networks. Individuals on dating websites need quick returns on their investments, and here investments mean chatting and time, in lieu of their time individuals want kickbacks, which are usually sex. So, yes, dating apps have enabled both boys and girls to find a partner, have some good time, have sex and then see if they want to be together or just move on.

Now this concept was already present in western countries from quite sometime, because sex is not seen as a taboo in those countries and nor is love marriages. If we want to measure real success of daring apps then we should see how successful Tinder is in India, and if a dating app clicks well in India, it’s a success everywhere. Now let’s see if things are actually happening, they actually are. There are a total of 21 million users on Tinder from India, out of which 8 million are girls and 13 million boys, which is quite understandable as we are taking about India. People have stories; good and bad, (not talking about them as you can find many on Google) some have even married people they met on dating apps. If I was to rate dating app culture in India, I would give 7/10 overall with metro cities scoring a perfect 10. Not everybody have accepted these apps, even in western countries, there are people who still believe in old school dating and hook ups still happen in clubs and bars for them. So, these apps came to satiate our desires and passion in a way that requires less social interaction and where it is easier to ghost out people.

3. Validation:

We all want it; we all want that the opposite sex finds us attractive. This factor of validation runs many aspects of life, sometimes its clothes that gives us the sense of validations, sometimes it’s gadgets, sometimes its money and sometimes it’s when the opposite gender has sex with you or just gives you importance. Germany started two world wars in search of validation; it wanted to show the world that Germans are superior to anyone. Same is the case on dating apps, people want that the opposite gender finds them attractive. These apps does this perfectly, they validate you, sometimes in a good way and sometimes it just show you your true-self that you yourself have never admitted to. Uploading best pictures with eye catching bios to thinking twice before initiating a conversation, we do everything on these apps with utmost caution. But, not everyone get the validation he/she is seeking, search google, you will come across numerous individuals who have had a real bad experience with dating apps. But then this is the story of life, some get what and some die pursuing it. So overall, dating apps gives a sense of validation to everyone, sometimes it’s what the individuals are seeking and sometimes its the complete opposite.

4. Options:

You belong to tier-III city in India; just imagine the options you get when it comes to opposite gender. Now, this changes as soon as you step in a Metro city like Delhi or Bombay, your options increase, you bow have thousands of guys/girls to choose from. Now this peculiarity of individuals from all walks of life available at one place is what makes these dating apps such a hit among the youth. We have been talking about the youth all this time, but as even you also know that these apps cater to all age groups, you can actually set your preferences, if any, in the app and only people who match your preferences will be shown to you. So app this flexibility also makes the dating apps all the more charming. In India, where we were even hesitant of matrimonial sites when they were introduced, because, for us marriages were being fixed by our families for a long time. But as technology grew and time is people’s life shrunk, India accepted the matrimonial website culture. And the matrimonial website culture was an instant hit just like the dating apps now.

5. Instant result:

Gone are the days when boys would wait for his crush at the bus stop or would try to woo her girl for months and sometimes years. Now the action is just a touch away and so is the reaction from the other side. You decide on immediately of the person is worth the time on dating apps or not, block the weirdo guy after just one text is the kind of privacy and control that dating websites offer. Now with this instant result thing, sometimes the opening line is not enough to generate a response from the other side, so its a double edged weapon, you might enter this area without any resistance or you are blocked the second you send a message just because someone else is better than you on words. Over here on dating apps, looks matter, and so does money. You look good and your pockets a loaded with cash, believe me; you are gonna be a rockstar on dating websites. But just in case you are average looking and that too a middle class, believe me, you gonna get validated in a very ugly sense.

6. Strangers:

We humans have always had this urge of talking to people from all around the world, just because it has a sense of adventure to it. It was pen pal back in the day when people used to have friends all over the world and who would write letters to each other and would seldom ever meet in the real word. From letters we moved on to e-mails and the texting; now these dating apps has brought in the culture where we can chat, see pictures and even video call with people from around the world, you see a photo, you like it, you swipe right, he/she swipes right and you are talking. Living in a small city would never give you an opportunity to date a girl from a metro city leave alone another country. Dating apps help you connect with strangers with whom otherwise you had no chance of developing a contact. And if you are loaded with money, buy premium subscription to dating apps because they also want to earn, and if they earn well it means that subscribers who are paying get more features. You can swipe around the world just by sitting in the comforts of your bed, for eg. You are in Delhi, and you have an active membership of tinder, you can swipe and chat with a girl in New York. This how easy it has become to connect with strangers, now the intentions may differ but connecting with strangers who have similar likes and dislikes is something these dating apps have changed forever. Now imagine a scenario, you are visiting a city as a tourist as you see a beautiful girl who crosses you, you can’t walk to her and ask if she is up for a coffee or date, she might not even talk to you. But, if you are using a dating app, then you will only see girls who are also looking for a partner, so, on dating apps you know that whoever is there on the app is looking for a partner.

6. Upgrade:

For some, dating apps are just an upgrade from matrimonial websites. A dating app offers more freedom as compared to a matrimonial website where your parents also keep an eye on. Many girls/boys today are on dating apps just because they think its cooler to be on dating apps rather than on matrimonial apps. These individuals have the same expectations from a dating app as they have from a matrimonial website and that is to find a suitable and stable relationship. Now, the question that arises is, Why are they choosing dating apps over matrimonial ones? The answer is simple the former ones offer variety and options, where as the latter one just offers monotony as it will show options that fit the criteria of your parents as well. So dating apps are winning over matrimonial one because of the freedom it offers (and lack of parental supervision as well).

7. Sense of adventure:

Dating or hooking up with a stranger is a prospect that screams adventurism. Dating a girl from Bombay is always a fantasy for a guy in Banaras rather that dating a girl across his house. So this sense of adventure is one reason why we are seeing so many people on such platforms. Indians now travel a lot as well, and when they experience other cultures that are much more open that our, they also try to adopt them of not fully then partially. This sense of adventure is not only limited to the dating apps, humans crave for adventure, for something that they have never done before and these dating platforms provide them just what they need.

8. Changing perceptions:

Have you ever seen a girl in India who is up and about her relationship status or a girl who proudly flaunts that she is on Tinder. You go and ask anybody, maximum would say that they have used a dating app at one point but they no longer use them. This answer is to try and confuse people who judge others who are on datings apps. With this I would come to the point, today Indian girls can make there own choices and can also have a casual fling that boys have been doing since ages. Dating apps are perfect examples of how girls can also flirt healthy and not be judged (so dumbheads still judge though) by the society, because society wants to think that these apps are a hoax. I would say that dating apps have also helped girls find their sexual desires, earlier casual sex for a girl in India was huge task or If I might say was a crime. There are girls who were killed on the pretext of honour killing just because they married someone outside their cast, but dating apps keep you safe as well as they keep you naughty. So whatever was done only by boys earlier is now possible even for girls. If a boy is considered a playboy for sleeping around with 50 girls then girls should get similar consideration. And if a girl is called a slut for being on a dating app then even the boys on these dating apps should be termed as, I don’t know because there is no male equivalent of ‘SLUT’. WHATEVER!!!

Before I end this, whatever this is, let me share some thoughts of my friends who I had a word with regarding this topic. Names withheld for obvious reasons (name calling)

- I always am facing a crunch of time and space; dating apps help me in getting to know people without the need to get out. If we click online then only we meet offline.

- The scope of dates I might get on dating apps has increased manifolds as compared to when I was chasing girls in my college corridors.

- The idea of getting to know new people and that too of the opposite gender is enough reason for me to get excited.

- When am chatting on dating apps, I don’t have any fear of being judged whatsoever.

- I think we are trying to shed the thought process of matrimony by parents.

- I needed somebody in my life, and I always preferred dating apps over matrimonial ones (I had both)

So these are the positives of dating apps, now lets talk about the cons, or not?! Dating apps have huge downsides as well; the partner you are chatting on a dating platform might be chatting with 50 other persons at the same time. You might just be an option that he/she is weighing against others. You might get depressed because you are not getting the validation you were seeking, or someone might just dump you right after the first date. There are many more downsides to these platforms, but we are not talking about them because dating apps are here to stay, so instead of talking about the cons of them, let’s just make our society a place where we are a bit more tolerant towards individual freedom and desires. We as a society should not force down our style of living down the throats of our youth. Times have changed from when we were young to today, we didn’t even have broadband back then, and today’s kid has a 4G powered smartphone in his/her hand. So, dating apps are awesome and are here to stay, so buckle up, what comes as an upgrade to the dating apps might just surprise the heck out of us as parents.

Some random facts about tinder (Source: https://www.businessofapps.com/)

5.9 million Tinder subscribers pay for a premium Tinder Plus and Tinder Gold
Tinder is used in 190 countries, and is available in 40 languages
Tinder was processing one billion swipes per day by late 2014, that has now risen to 1.6 billion
Tinder users go on one million dates per week
Over 20 billion matches made since Tinder launched
Over 50% of active Tinder users are active at 9pm, according to Nielson
Active Tinder users log in on average four times a day
Various studies show different percentages, but most find 18-24 demographic forms core of user base
Tinder’s parent company Match Group reported $444 million of revenue in Q3 2018
7.5 million swipes per day in India (2016), where Tinder has established its first international office
Around 10% of Brazilian internet users use Tinder
40% of US college students say “Tinder is for hookups, and Bumble is for dating”, though 54% of claim that there is no difference
70% of these college students have never met up with their matches…
…and 45% say they use Tinder mostly for confidence boosting procrastination
95% of Tinder users meet their matches within a week (compared to 25% of online daters overall, and 15% of offline daters)
9% of Tinder users said it’s hard to commit to someone due to the vast array of dating options, compared to 44% of other online daters and 42% of offline daters
85% of Tinder users say “I love you” within the first year of dating, compared to 80% of offline daters
Female Tinder users are more careful in their approach, with 91% reporting that they only liked profiles that they actually felt attracted to (compared to 72% of men)
35% of men report casually liking most Tinder profiles (with some overlap with the above)
Researchers using a female Tinder profile and unselectively liking male profiles got 200 matches within an hour, and 600 by the 4-hour mark
Male Tinder profiles only garnered 100 matches by the same juncture
For men, the median time between getting a match and messaging standing at 2 minutes (63% of men message a match within 5 minutes), while the equivalent for females is 38 minutes (only 18% message within 5 minutes)
The average Tinder message sent by a man to a woman is 12 characters long, while the other way around, the average is 122
72% of mobile dating app users believe Tinder is the most racially diverse dating app, with 77% of Tinder users claiming to be very open-minded when using dating apps, and 74% having gone on a date with someone of a different racial background (compared to 66% of non-Tinder users)
One study found that 12% of male Tinder profiles identified as homosexual or bisexual, compared with 0.01% of female profiles
Tinder revenue stood at $1.15 billion in 2019; 56% of total Match Group revenue of $2.05 billion
Tinder revenue grew at CAGR of 123% between 2015 and 2019
Tinder top non-game app in terms of revenue, generating $77.4 million in February 2020
Match Group market cap $18.6 billion as of late March 2020
Tinder is estimated to be worth $10 billion